Craving.
A hunger.
For what?
For more. For different.
But, I see you. I feel you.
Your fingers reach with insatiable need.
You move from fear.
With the determination of solving.
Of fulfilling, of correcting, of making better.
But your very footfalls only affirm the terror you move from.
So I must pause.
And turn into you.
Against great resistance.
To stand belly to belly.
With you, my fear.
And I will breathe your breath and you will breathe mine.
And together we will become whole again.
Apr 18, 2022
What am I noticing?
I am noticing the constant restlessness in my system for stimulation.
Thankfully, over many years of work and practice, the stimulation I seek is more and more ‘wholesome’ - meaning it is more and more life affirming and energy and health producing rather than the opposite. Nonetheless, the restlessness for the stimulation still exists.
I notice it most in moments of pause or quiet. In moments of ‘looking for something to do’, looking for a goal, looking for a challenge or battle or cause against which to triumph.
But I understand now, that my work is actually much less grand, much more immediate, much less glamorous. My real work is to simply breathe into this. Without affirmation or acknowledgement from outside myself. Or some grand proclamation echoing in either direction about how great I am for doing so. Without needing/wanting/craving it to be any different than it is.
Is this true for you?
What do you sense as you bring your system to pause?
Where might you be moving into action out of fear?
