In my experience the following are the understandings - or foundations - that you need to develop in order to maximize your ability to meet and process feeling with ease and efficacy. When you can meet and process feeling with ease and efficacy, the natural result is greater emotional resilience.
You could think of developing these foundations or skills as developing of the ‘container’ you need for the emotion to arrive and move through. If your container isn’t strong or clear enough, the emotion just gets stuck or muddied or you just flat out won’t have the courage to meet the intensity (there’s no shame in realizing this, being alive is an intense experience and all of us go through this at times). The following foundations create the space for the processing to happen.
They are simple but very profound and it is important not to mistake your understanding of what the skill is for its actual implementation. Also - know that, at least in my experience so far, there is no end to the depth that one can develop these ‘mindsets’. Meaning these aren’t something you ‘get’, check a box off, and then forget about. This said, there does seem to be a critical mass one can hit where they carry themselves forward on their own momentum with less applied effort needed on your part.
The Three Foundations of Emotional Resilience:
1 - No Self:
This is one of the fundamental premises of Buddhist philosophy and there is a vast field of writings and ancient teachings supporting students to recognize and embody this understanding more deeply. In relation to the context of emotional processing and resilience however, the notion of ‘no self’ is about gradually training ourselves to be able to experience the full intensity of sensation and feeling that comprise our experience as human beings not as ‘me’, ‘mine’ or ‘I’. Not as who or what you are, but just as the dance of impermanent - and utterly wondrous - phenomena.
So long as we are in some way taking ownership of or identifying with the sensations and feelings - they are likely to remain too threatening to meet - both because of their intensity and also because when we hold things as part of who we are, them changing is a threat to our sense of self… and therefor inherently terrifying.
Additionally, as you suspend the sense of feelings or sensations ‘belonging’ to you, the sense of preference, desire for and/or dislike of whatever is arising lessens. As this becomes less, you are more able to clear see and witness whatever arises.
2 - A Purpose Larger than You:
Another, utterly useful, key point of Buddhist philosophy is the dedication to the furthering of one’s own path forward ‘to the benefit of all beings’. If this particular language doesn’t resonate for you, that’s fine. The key point is that you’re undertaking the challenge of this type of work or practice for more than your own benefit. Maybe for you it is for your family, your kids, your community, the planet - it is up to you to choose the language that is most powerful for you.
This mindset doesn’t mean that in anyway you are not also included in the benefits you’re seeking. There’s something powerful however about connecting one’s own welfare up to that of others. When we start to articulate, and as a result realize, our inter-dependence in this way, three things happen:
One - We gain a sense of the impact our presence and way we are being (our state) has others - this is a powerful motivator to get into better states asap.
Two - In my experience, as you recognize, name and experience your inter-dependence with others you gain access to far greater energy. Who knows, perhaps the energy of others somehow also becomes available to you as you start to take greater responsibility for and genuinely care for their welfare.
Three - Our own discomfort becomes less intimidating. Again, because your ‘cause’ is all of a sudden greater, you have more energy and motivation to move through the really tough places you might otherwise not.
3 - Context = Earth + Infinity:
One of miracles of existence that we have the possibility to experience on a daily basis is that of the infinite universe in which we find ourselves. I mean - holy shit - right above your head at this very moment (admittedly with perhaps a few slabs of concrete or other material between you and it) is infinite space - how amazing is that?!
The experience of actually feeling/sensing your relationship with this infinite container is a powerful one. Yes, feelings can be massive and totally overwhelming, but if there’s one thing that can hold them… it’s infinity.
In order to connect with infinity however, you need to first experience your place on planet Earth. You also want to develop your ability to feel/sense your relationship with the immediate spaces and people around you - the floor, the walls, your co-workers. Feeling your relationship with the Earth and your immediate surroundings creates a sense of place, stability, calm and support that is necessary to be able to consider infinity without fear.
A word of Acknowledgement:
Because the above are drawn from principles and schools of timeless wisdom, it is important for me to take a moment to acknowledge the lineages through which they have been taught to me.
Three people in particular are due enormous gratitude and homage for the pricelessness of what they have offered (and continue to) so generously:
Doug Duncan Sensei - my root teacher in the direct study of mind and utterly courageous champion of my growth and learning since 2007. Catherine Pawasarat Sensei - also root teacher, champion and warrioress of wisdom in this world. Both Doug & Catherine teach via their organization planetdharama.com
Third, Margie Gillis - my core mentor in embodiment, movement and the utter beauty of the wise, wise human body/being. You can find out more about her here: margiegillis.org
